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original air jordan 1 banned 2016
original air jordan 1 banned 2016

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Here are some more examples of affirmation from my imaginary football world; notice how some of them are used in the face of failure, not just success:

Comparison

“Well done, I’m impressed with your work today” (praise).

“There’s that determination again” (affirmation).

Dialogue 1

Player: “I’ve messed up here, right there” Coach: “You tried hard, and you are good at noticing where things go wrong ” Player: “Yes I did try, and I want to get this right”

Dialogue 2 1

Player: “I let the team down” Coach: “You don’t like that because you are a loyal team player” (affirmation)

Single Offerings

Is the word “affirmation” really just a fancy word for a “compliment”? My experience is that they are different. A compliment is something I offer someone else, a judgment I make and it usually involves using the word, “I”. Notice how the coach’s ego is left out of the examples above, and they mostly start with the word, “You”.

Last week I was walking on Clifton Downs in Bristol with a friend and his 20 year-old son, and he took us to the very spot where he took a successful penalty in his club game the weekend before. “My mind was super calm Dad” he said, “and I took hold of this idea you pointed out to me when I was ten remember, playing cricket? You said I was always super calm under pressure, so I just stood there, remembered that, and stared at the grass before I took the kick, and then whacked it with no stress at all”. Was that comment from his father an affirmation? A learning exercise often used in training counselors is to ask them who their favourite teacher was and why? “They believed in me” is the most common answer I’ve come across. Affirmation is a direct way of showing someone that you believe in them.

Mark Upton wrote a gem of an article on the difference between teaching and learning just recently on this website. I wonder whether praise is more associated with teaching, and affirming with learning? If that’s correct it points to the likelihood that praise and affirming are not just communication techniques, but reflections of different views of how coaching helps players to improve?

I’ve often seen praise in sport being used as a motivational pick-me-up by a coach who has the answers and is trying to get the player to absorb them, for example, “Well done, that was exactly right, now see if you can……”. Or if things go wrong, “Well done, good effort anyway, don’t worry, now see if you can…..”. This sounds a lot like what I termed the use of the righting reflex in our healthcare work, the almost instinctive and often unconscious tendency to see a problem and immediately try to fix it for the person. Is that what concerns Upton about teaching?

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